When Friendships End

by Rev. Laura Barclay

One of the more painful or disruptive events in life can be the end of a friendship. For various reasons, people lose friends. Sometimes we drift apart as our life experiences differ, sometimes one friend chooses a destructive path and the other one can't follow, and sometimes we try to make something work that simply doesn't. Occasionally, as in failed relationships, we try to look back and figure out where things went wrong.

We ask ourselves the following questions: What if we had done things differently? What if we had been more intentional instead of drifting apart? Should we have endured more before ending the friendship? What happened?

Some of mine have ended for a variety of reasons: geography; mutual drifting apart due to separate interests; he/she or I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with situations in a friendship; selfishness  (again he/she or I); or, occasionally, behavior that crosses the line of what one can tolerate in a friendship (e.g. sexual harassment, violence, etc.).

The truth is, many friendships end. Rev. Shasta Nelson shares several questions one should ask before ending a friendship. These might be helpful in working through the situation you are in or have just experienced. What I really like about this article is that she stresses listening, compassion and forgiveness while understanding that if you have done your part, it might be time to "drift apart."

In the times when I have had to "drift apart" from someone, or someone has had to do that to me, I try to pray for forgiveness for my failings in that relationship and bless the other person. We tend to view everything as one-sided, though that is rarely the case. Instead, I visualize a prayer that is something like the following:

God, I am sorry for my failings in this friendship. Even as I mourn the end of this earthly relationship, I have hope in your heavenly kingdom. In Revelation 7:9, John tells us that he sees, "a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands." We know that some day we will all carry the palm branches of peace, and we will continue to work in your name to do so. Please bless those who are no longer earthly friends to do the same and to flourish, and may we all keep hope in you, God. Amen.

This helps us acknowledge our own failings while affirming hope in our shared God and blessing those who we are no longer friends with to do the same and to be well. The worst thing you can do is to maintain bitterness that will only hurt your happiness and keep you from being the authentically beautiful child of God that you are. Remember that your former friends have taught you valuable lessons about yourself that you will carry for life and have probably made you a better, more thoughtful and less selfish person.

So blessings to friends, former friends and friends yet to be for your love, compassion, life lessons learned and still to be learned!

Lesson from Les Miserables

by Rev. Felicia Fox

When we look at the world’s problems it is easy to feel over whelmed. How can one person stop world hunger, human trafficking, or any other injustice? The answer is you can’t. No one person has the power to change the world. However, each of us has the power to change one person’s life and that may cause the world to change. I was reminded of that lesson when I saw Les Miserables.

The story focuses on Jean Valjean who was imprisoned for stealing bread to feed his sister’s child. Once jailed he makes a failed attempt to escape and then spends the next nineteen years in prison. After he is paroled he is found by a Bishop and offered food and shelter for the night. Valjean steals his silver and is quickly caught. When the Bishop is asked about the silver he reports the silver was a gift and gives Valjean the best of his silver. This act of grace and generosity changes Valjean’s life and he takes the silver and changes his life.

The Bishop gave Valjean something more important than silver. He gave him forgiveness, love, and dignity. The bishop changed his life because he took the time to care and treat him with respect. He gave him a second chance. The Bishop didn’t change the whole world. Injustices still raged around him. However, he did change one life. Imagine the difference each of us could make if we begin to love everyone we encounter and treat them with respect and dignity. The bishop saw past Valjean’s present circumstances and saw his true value as a man.

The story moves forward eight years and finds Valjean as a factory owner and mayor. His foreman fires Fantine who is working to support her illegitimate daughter. Cosette, the daughter lives with an innkeeper and his wife. Fantine becomes a prostitute in order to support Cosette. Valjean saves Fantine from an attacker and takes her to the hospital where she dies. In the process she tells him about Cosette and he vows to raise the child.

Fantine did everything in her power to support her daughter. She loved Cosette with a selfless love. That loved changed Cosette’s life. Sometimes changing a person’s life may require we sacrifice. It may require we sacrifice some of our time, money, or energy. We serve a Christ who gave all he had because he loved each of us and we are called to follow his example. If you want to change someone’s life you must start by loving them the way Christ does.

Valjean is true to his word and raises Cosette as his own. The story jumps forward nine more years to show Valjean and Cosette as a happy family. He has become her father. He changed her life. France is now in the middle of a revolution led by Marius Pontmercy who has fallen in love with Cosette. She has fallen in love with him too. Valjean learns of this love and goes to the rebel front. During a fight between the rebels and the army Marius is injured. Valjean saves Marius by dragging him through the sewers to safety. He is saved and he can marry Cosette.

Sometimes changing someone’s life requires we get dirty. It requires that we experience the best and the worst of life with them. It may require we hold their hand while they are in the hospital or hug them when they are dirty or simply listen as they talk about their inner demons. If we are to truly love people enough to help them change their lives we must meet them where they are, even if it is a sewer.

As we live our faith in Jesus Christ may we be mindful of the people around us who are looking for a little help. Every day we are surrounded by people who are just waiting for someone to take notice, love them, and help them grow into different lives. May we be open to sharing grace and love with them.

Felicia Fox is the Minister of Youth and Children at First Baptist Church of Mount Olive, NC. This article originally appeared on her blog.

Tethered to God

by Rev. Len Keever

Thursday night at the track meet Jared told me that Super Dave wanted to talk to me. I have really enjoyed getting to know David. He talks so fondly of the church following the accident that took his vision. The kids on the cross-country and track teams call him Super Dave. He is quite remarkable. When I saw him, he asked me if I was in shape enough to run a 5K (3.1 mile) race on Saturday (3/31). We would run tethered together and I’d give instructions on turns, curbs, and near pot-holes. He encourages the kids so much and quite frankly, his asking me to run was just the encouragement I needed to finally run an official race. His confidence in me helped me to have confidence in myself.

At 4:00 the starter gave the orders and we were off. We started in the back so as to not be in anyone's way. We were back there with parents running with their children or pushing strollers and a couple of people running with their pets. We had plenty of room; the pace was easy. Then, about 300-yards into the course, it happened: we had to make a sharp turn left and then another to the right to get through the crosswalk at the roundabout. That's when I knew it wasn't going to be as easy as the start had led me to believe.

Running through a parking lot, Dave stumbled as we began going uphill. He clipped my heel when he drifted too close. A lady suddenly stopped running in front of us and he brushed her shoulder; he couldn't see her and I couldn't react in time. As we exited the parking lot a car didn't slow for the runners. I changed my direction so Super Dave wouldn't run into its path. He stumbled and fell. I helped pick him up and we continued running. We quickly learned that the safest way to run was to keep the tension taut. As long as we could keep the rope tight, he could feel where I was. If he veered right, I pulled left. I told him when the grade increased and when a speed bump was in his path. A mile into the race we were both comfortable. Dave showed tremendous faith in me; it took confidence to run blindly while following my lead. Two miles into the race we were talking about how much our run reminded us of how God accompanies us every day.

It's true! We only think we can see but it is God who has the real vision. It's God who knows where the pot-holes are. When we fall, God picks us up. When we are facing an uphill climb, God encourages us. God gives us complete freedom and yet we find that if we yield to God’s wisdom we have more safety. We are strongest when we keep the tie that binds us tight. The tighter we keep our relationship with God the more we can feel God's presence. We may not see God but God is always there beside us. Are we tethered to God? Are we connected to God in prayer? Are we listening to His voice? Do we let God direct us?

We ran our race in 31:28. We were not the last people to finish! Our pace was fairly consistent (we did stop and walk about 30-yards at the top of a long hill). It felt so good to finish together. I hugged Dave and he hugged me. It was an experience I hope I never forget. Thanks Super Dave for asking me to run with you. Thank you Heavenly Father for showing us both a truth about faith that will draw us even closer to your finish line.

Len Keever is the pastor of First Baptist Church of Dunn. This article originally appeared in their church newsletter, The Builder.