Woman's Best Friend

Gryffin on adoption day, resting after his 1st bath.

by Rev. Laura Barclay

A few months ago, my husband and I adopted a dog from the Kentucky Humane Society. After three years of allergy shots, I was ready for my first canine. We had been to the shelter several times and never found the right one for us: relatively quiet, good with kids so my niece could play with him/her, medium to small in size, and a low shed breed. As we looked through the cages, I saw a ball of matted fur in the back of one off to the side. Large brown eyes stared out of a mound of dirty white hair.

The name on the card read "Walter". It wasn't his real name (if he was ever given one) but a moniker given by the intake volunteers, which didn't seem to fit his obvious youth. I slowly removed him from the cage and he walked around with me, hovering close to my ankles. While I knew we should keep looking at the rest of the dogs, this one had crawled into my heart. He kept gazing up at me intently and expectantly. I hated even putting him back in the cage to fill out the adoption forms--I was a afraid he'd think I didn't want him, or worse, there would be a mix-up and he would be gone when I returned.

In the days to come as we bathed him, re-named him "Gryffin", took him to the vet to cure his kennel cough, weaned him off of people food and tried to convince him we'd never abandon him, I learned that he was found at a gas station in the small town of Mayfield, KY.  He tried to crawl into the car of a newspaper delivery woman before she called the pound to come and collect him. He was transferred to Louisville because of his sweet nature and high probability of adoption.

Gryffin whimpers and cries during storms, watches us sadly when we leave the house but no longer slams himself against the door to follow. He has gradually eaten his meals more slowly since he trusts that there will be another soon to follow. He still has panic attacks, but far more rarely unless brought on by his bad allergies. Yes, he's a handful--with him I adopted his anxieties, his health problems, and his fears. But he's given me such a blessing in return.

Gryffin lets me style his hair between cuddles.

On days when I'm stressed, he jumps in my lap and forces me to play. He knocks me out of a downward spiral of anxieties because he is highly attuned to his parent's moods. Gryffin's demanding sense of play time forces me to exercise more which also lowers my stress and reframes my mood. More than anything, I have found it incredibly rewarding to help be responsible, along with my husband, for guiding this little guy out of his shell and watching him become more relaxed, loving and confident every day.

I'm learning about that oldest and most ancient of relationships and what having "dominion over the animals" means. It's a great responsibility to care for this puppy, discarded and unwanted by someone who didn't or couldn't understand the depth of that task. In caring for Gryffin, I'm also caring for myself. I'm being reminded of the blessing of God's creation, the importance of being connected to all creatures in it great and small, and my heart has grown larger and more grateful.

I'd love to hear from you: Do you have a special relationship with an animal? What have you learned from that relationship? Leave me a comment!

This column originally appeared in Next Sunday Resources.

Soul Renewal

Erin Gordon Goddard (middle) , Sara Hof (right), me (left)
at the Griffith Observatory in Los Angeles, CA

by Rev. Laura Barclay

I had the blessing to be able to visit dear friends I see rarely who live in California a few weeks ago. To make this even more special, seeing them coincided with my birthday. Cupcakes, adventures, and exploring were on the docket. Nothing could have been a better present than seeing friends who are like family after a long time apart.

I met Erin and Sara in divinity school at Wake Forest University. I lived with Erin for two amazing years and spent countless hours in Sara's library studying (or not studying) and laughing at YouTube videos. These are two wonderful people who I know I could pick up with like no time has passed. They never judge me, they are always quick with a hug or friendly text, and are some of the most genuine and authentic people I know. In short, they have been models of Jesus's ethic of love for one's neighbor when I've lost my way. Without judgement, their unconditional love has always helped guide me through, as it seems to do with the best of friends. I am so blessed to have so many beloved friends (especially from Wake Divinity and University of Louisville and CBFNC), and I was tempted to begin naming them. Yet there are so many dear ones who have guided me along and been the loving presence of Christ.

When you encounter friends like these, it feels like your heart will burst and you can never give enough thanks to know such people. If I've learned anything from them, it is to pay it forward. When one friend renews your soul, try to renew another. Send a note or a funny present or a card that lets you know you are thinking of them. If a friend is in need of help--be it moving or some other project--make the time to be there for them. Friends who are like family are nothing short of life-giving, and they need to know you care.

I'm reminded of this quote from Paul's Letter to the Ephesians in Chapter 4: "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." This is the mark of a healthy community, a wonderful friendship, and a model for the Kingdom of God. 

How can you model this for a friend this week?

When Friendships End

by Rev. Laura Barclay

One of the more painful or disruptive events in life can be the end of a friendship. For various reasons, people lose friends. Sometimes we drift apart as our life experiences differ, sometimes one friend chooses a destructive path and the other one can't follow, and sometimes we try to make something work that simply doesn't. Occasionally, as in failed relationships, we try to look back and figure out where things went wrong.

We ask ourselves the following questions: What if we had done things differently? What if we had been more intentional instead of drifting apart? Should we have endured more before ending the friendship? What happened?

Some of mine have ended for a variety of reasons: geography; mutual drifting apart due to separate interests; he/she or I didn't have the emotional maturity to deal with situations in a friendship; selfishness  (again he/she or I); or, occasionally, behavior that crosses the line of what one can tolerate in a friendship (e.g. sexual harassment, violence, etc.).

The truth is, many friendships end. Rev. Shasta Nelson shares several questions one should ask before ending a friendship. These might be helpful in working through the situation you are in or have just experienced. What I really like about this article is that she stresses listening, compassion and forgiveness while understanding that if you have done your part, it might be time to "drift apart."

In the times when I have had to "drift apart" from someone, or someone has had to do that to me, I try to pray for forgiveness for my failings in that relationship and bless the other person. We tend to view everything as one-sided, though that is rarely the case. Instead, I visualize a prayer that is something like the following:

God, I am sorry for my failings in this friendship. Even as I mourn the end of this earthly relationship, I have hope in your heavenly kingdom. In Revelation 7:9, John tells us that he sees, "a great multitude that no one could count, from every nation, from all tribes and peoples and languages, standing before the throne and before the Lamb, robed in white, with palm branches in their hands." We know that some day we will all carry the palm branches of peace, and we will continue to work in your name to do so. Please bless those who are no longer earthly friends to do the same and to flourish, and may we all keep hope in you, God. Amen.

This helps us acknowledge our own failings while affirming hope in our shared God and blessing those who we are no longer friends with to do the same and to be well. The worst thing you can do is to maintain bitterness that will only hurt your happiness and keep you from being the authentically beautiful child of God that you are. Remember that your former friends have taught you valuable lessons about yourself that you will carry for life and have probably made you a better, more thoughtful and less selfish person.

So blessings to friends, former friends and friends yet to be for your love, compassion, life lessons learned and still to be learned!

The Practice of Friendship

by Dr. Rick Jordan

Editor’s Note: Rick Jordan went on sabbatical this summer for 13 weeks and journaled about his experience . His hope in sharing his journal entries is to encourage churches and faith communities to offer their ministers a sabbatical for rest, reflection, and a renewed commitment to their work.

The week after our trip to PA was to be a week at home, doing bills, chores and maintanence. We began on Monday with a day of painting. As I was cleaning up, around 8 PM, Susan got a phone call. It was a friend, Cecil. His wife, Resa, had been in an accident in the Myrtle Beach area. It was a single car accident, she was in the hospital and Cecil was leaving to see her. He wanted Susan to email their Sunday School class to ask for prayers. As the call was finishing, I whispered to Susan, “ask if he wants me to go with him.” I knew that would be a long 4-5 hour drive alone, just thinking about what he would be facing. He said yes.

Cecil swung by the house that we are renovating to pick me up. I jumped in the car and we took off. I had not had a chance to talk much with Cecil about my sabbatical thus far, so that took up a lot of our time. There was also discussion about the accident, about his job and there were periods of silence.

When we got to the hospital, Resa was awake and alert. She’d passed out while driving. The major concern not not her few bumps and bruses, but the reason for passing out, so many tests were scheduled to be run the next day. Cecil and I found a hotel near the hospital and stayed the night. The next morning, he and I went to the car lot where Resa’s car had been taken. As he was collecting items from the car, I called Susan to give her an update. “You’re going to have to come get me,” I told her, “because Cecil is going to need to be here for several days.” I had no extra clothes or toiletries, etc. So, Susan made plans to bring me a change of clothes and to pick me up.

When I told Cecil of that plan, he said, “Why don’t you plan to stay the week? The condo we rented has two bedrooms.” I called Susan and we worked it out! Resa was released after a couple days. We got to eat meals together, relax on the beach together and just enjoy being together.

Cecil said at the end of the week, “Thanks, I couldn’t have done this without you,” which surprised me, but made me feel good. But actually, I was appreciative, too. I was glad to have a week away from the renovation. I was glad to have an unexpected week at the beach. Most of all, I was glad to practice being a friend.

Rick Jordan is the Church Resources Coordinator for the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship of North Carolina. You can read more about his sabbatical on his blog, Rick’s Reflections.