Dying in Real Time

Terry Megginson Walton

by Rev. Laura Barclay

Last week, a beloved former employee of CBF named Terry Megginson Walton passed away from a long battle with cancer.  I didn’t know her very well, unfortunately, but she made me feel extremely welcome at CBF National events. She was warm, quick with a smile and a laugh, and was easy to get to know. From what I observed, Terry was keenly interested in making everyone she met feel like a beloved child of God.

Over the last few months, I noticed that more and more people were calling for others to pray for her over Facebook and email. But then something even more intimate happened. Last week, people began sharing their favorite memories of her on her Facebook pages, attaching pictures and last messages to Terry. Dozens and dozens of people were saying goodbye in the most touching of ways, which created an amazing memorial to her and a fitting tribute to a life that was clearly well-lived through her love of others.

Tears sprang to my eyes as these messages to her swallowed my Facebook feed and I realized that her life must have been coming to an end. And, a few days ago, her family relayed the news that she had indeed passed on.

As someone who knew her only briefly, I was overwhelmed with the sentiments of her friends to share their best memories with her to send her on her way. Look how many people she had touched! What a beautiful tribute!

Before Facebook was available outside of the world of college students, one of my professors, Dr. Paul Weber lost a long battle with cancer. Like Terry, his impact on the world is immeasurable. He was a former priest who married a former nun and taught political science. He always strove for a high ethical standard in whatever he pursued, and he loved mentoring students. Dr. Weber was a huge reason why I decided to go to divinity school. Before he passed, his family encouraged people to write letters of their favorite memories to him without saying goodbye or focusing on his illness. I wrote to him about his classes, my favorite lessons, and his encouragement and care outside of the classroom. I never heard a response, but this gave me an opportunity to not let anything left unsaid.

My takeaway from the lives and deaths of Terry Megginson Walton and Dr. Paul Weber is this: there are amazing people in this world who touch us deeply. We would not be the same people without them. While we can, we must let these living saints know what they mean to us before they pass on into the cloud of witnesses.

Who has loved, cared, sacrificed and mentored you? Are there friendships that have transformed you life? Don’t wait until tomorrow to tell them how much they mean to you. Let them know that their lives are well-lived, and that they have made a difference to you. 

How Do You Want to Be Remembered? by Dr. Steve Bolton

I engaged in an interesting, if not uncomfortable, forum this week. A group of Baptist ministers and educators, who range in age from their forties and seventies, discussed and rather candidly shared their thoughts on the question, “How do you want to be remembered?” Someone shared that Norman Wiggins, who was President of Campbell College for decades and led it to become Campbell University, had asked that only one thing be inscribed on his tombstone — “United States Marine.”

Of course, most dedicated, sincere Christians would aspire to be remembered with something similar to that well-known motto of the United States Marine Corp, “Semper Fidelis” (“Faithful Forever”). A visit to any cemetery proves that most people would like to be remembered for the good they did and the best that they were. I read that a novelist researching a book about life in a certain New England town visited the local cemetery as part of his investigations. The writer noted with interest that nearly every tombstone from that era bore a final epitaph. Unfailingly, these were words of praise for the departed with references such as “kind, generous, upstanding, loving and faithful” appearing again and again. This prompted the researcher to ask, “I wonder where they buried the sinners?”

As I listened to the thoughtful reflections and tried to engage in some sort of meaningful reductionism regarding my own time and life, I realized how complex, selective, fascinating and often faulty is the human memory. As Robert Burns once yearned for “the gift to see ourselves as others see us,” perhaps it would be more interesting, if not humbling, to know how “others might remember us.” I suspect it is more productive for Christians to focus on things to remember than on how one might want to be remembered. The greater danger is forgetting rather than being forgotten. In a world that is quick to declare its accomplishments and takes far too much for granted, how easily one forgets life is largely grace and gift, granted, inherited, passed down by sacrifices and service of others. In a world where freedoms and rights are asserted, too many forget the importance of quietly fulfilling one’s responsibilities. In a society that is passionate about self, it is convenient to discount the call of Christ to love God and others first. The importance of a clear and good Christian memory is revealed in a memorial to a 19^th century soldier in St. Paul’s Cathedral, London. It reads:

To Charles George Gordon –

Who always and everywhere

Gave his strength to the weak,

His substance to the poor,

His sympathy to the suffering,

And his heart to God.

Steve Bolton retired at the end of June as the pastor of Oxford Baptist Church in Oxford, NC. This article originally appeared in their church newsletter, The Forecaster.