Dying in Real Time

Terry Megginson Walton

by Rev. Laura Barclay

Last week, a beloved former employee of CBF named Terry Megginson Walton passed away from a long battle with cancer.  I didn’t know her very well, unfortunately, but she made me feel extremely welcome at CBF National events. She was warm, quick with a smile and a laugh, and was easy to get to know. From what I observed, Terry was keenly interested in making everyone she met feel like a beloved child of God.

Over the last few months, I noticed that more and more people were calling for others to pray for her over Facebook and email. But then something even more intimate happened. Last week, people began sharing their favorite memories of her on her Facebook pages, attaching pictures and last messages to Terry. Dozens and dozens of people were saying goodbye in the most touching of ways, which created an amazing memorial to her and a fitting tribute to a life that was clearly well-lived through her love of others.

Tears sprang to my eyes as these messages to her swallowed my Facebook feed and I realized that her life must have been coming to an end. And, a few days ago, her family relayed the news that she had indeed passed on.

As someone who knew her only briefly, I was overwhelmed with the sentiments of her friends to share their best memories with her to send her on her way. Look how many people she had touched! What a beautiful tribute!

Before Facebook was available outside of the world of college students, one of my professors, Dr. Paul Weber lost a long battle with cancer. Like Terry, his impact on the world is immeasurable. He was a former priest who married a former nun and taught political science. He always strove for a high ethical standard in whatever he pursued, and he loved mentoring students. Dr. Weber was a huge reason why I decided to go to divinity school. Before he passed, his family encouraged people to write letters of their favorite memories to him without saying goodbye or focusing on his illness. I wrote to him about his classes, my favorite lessons, and his encouragement and care outside of the classroom. I never heard a response, but this gave me an opportunity to not let anything left unsaid.

My takeaway from the lives and deaths of Terry Megginson Walton and Dr. Paul Weber is this: there are amazing people in this world who touch us deeply. We would not be the same people without them. While we can, we must let these living saints know what they mean to us before they pass on into the cloud of witnesses.

Who has loved, cared, sacrificed and mentored you? Are there friendships that have transformed you life? Don’t wait until tomorrow to tell them how much they mean to you. Let them know that their lives are well-lived, and that they have made a difference to you. 

No Magic in the Moving Van

Dr. Guy Sayles

Have you ever tried a geographical cure for your problems? Just move to a new city and leave your problems in the old one.  The difficulties you’ve had and the challenges you’ve faced in the past are the fault of the clueless employers and insensitive coworkers you’ve been cooped-up with for all these years. 

So, get a new job in a new place with new co-workers and everything will be different; you will be different. You’ll shed your pattern of procrastination. You’ll become a morning person who finds it easy to get to work on time—no more tying your tie or applying your makeup at stoplights. You’ll be proactive and positive.  

A geographical cure: a new place and a new you.  A few years ago, I read this tongue-in-cheek story in The Onion:

ATLANTA—All of area resident Brian Shepard's problems, including his fear of commitment, lack of personal direction, and inability to learn from past failures, will be instantly solved this week when the 29-year-old packs up his belongings and moves to a new city. "Moving to Portland is going to make all the difference in the world," said Shepard, who, just by putting 2,500 miles distance between himself and years of destructive behavior, will suddenly turn his life around. "It won't be anything like Chicago, or Boston, or San Francisco. This is exactly what I need right now." Shepard also plans to completely eliminate his dependence on self-denial by ignoring his dependence on self-denial.  (The Onion, December 5, 2008)

Speaking from my own experience, I can tell you that the promises of geographical cure are an illusion.  As I heard myself telling a friend: “Mike, here’s something I’ve learned: Hell is portable.  You take it with you wherever you go.”    

There might be good reasons for taking a new job or going to a new school or moving to a new town, but a new office, a new classroom, and new address don’t automatically make us new people.  There’s no magic in a moving van.  

We can’t, after all, move away from ourselves.  What we need is not a geographical cure, but transformation—a deep healing of the wounds and brokenness which drive the patterns which hurt us and other people; an infusion of confidence that God loves us fully and joyfully, no matter what and forever, and a  thoroughgoing renewal of our gifts and talents.  Geography doesn’t cure us, but God can change us.  

Guy Sayles is the pastor of First Baptist Church of Asheville. This article originally appeared on his blog, From the Intersection.

Church Hurts

by Dr. Tony Cartledge

When I saw Barna's recent report that 61 percent of unchurched adults think of themselves as Christians, and that 37 percent of non-church going adults say they have been hurt by an experience or person within the church, my first response was surprise that the number wasn't higher. In 26 years as a pastor, I learned that a significant number of prospective members I visited had stories to tell about having been hurt or disappointed by a former church.

The combination of survey results and personal experience leads to a few quick observations:

1. It's amazing how easily some folks can get their feelings hurt. Church is an interactive social milieu in which many people have a stake in how things turn out, so it's not unexpected that people will often have run at cross purposes with each other, and some turn out to be a lot more cross than you'd expect given the issue. Some folks, in addition, like to wear their hurt feelings on their sleeve, sort of like Bill Deal and the Rondells (from the 60s) singing "I've Been Hurt."

2. It's equally amazing how insensitive some folks can be, even within the church context. Some folks get their feelings hurt for good reasons. In some cases it's a pastor who rails against those who don't share his personal views on politics, creationism, homosexuality, single mothers, or other matters. In other cases it could be a heated exchange during the discussion period in a Sunday School class, or a snippy remark about someone's appearance or children that wasn't intended to be overheard. People go to church wanting to be accepted and appreciated -- feeling excluded and alienated is not what they bargained for.

3. Church leaders have a responsibility to set a personal example of kindness and grace toward others, and seek to cultivate a culture of compassion within the church. Leaders can help other members grow in maturity and learn when they need to offer or ask forgiveness, when they need to intentionally work out differences in respectful ways, and how they can develop relationship skills needed for the task.

One of my favorite texts is 1 Thessalonians 1:1-10, in which Paul writes to congratulate the members of that church for their "work of faith," their "labor of love," and their steadfastness of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ." Paul went on to commend them for having followed the example that he, Timothy, and Luke had set for them -- and for becoming models in turn, "so that you became an example to all the believers in Macedonia and in Achaia" (1 Thess. 1:3, 6-7).

Sending hurt people out the church's back door is more like bad advertising than setting a good example. Is your church a safe harbor that welcomes all people with their various issues, or is it more like a yacht club that caters to a select group? Have you done what you can do to help those at loggerheads to be at peace with one another? Jesus didn't say "blessed are the peaceful," but "blessed are the peacemakers" (Mat. 5:9).

Lord knows, we need them.

Tony Cartledge is the contributing editor for Baptists Today, and also teaches Old Testament at Campbell University Divinity School. This post originally appeared on his blog at http://www.tonycartledge.com/.